Buizel vs Steelix For Real
by SonicKitsune
Summary: Here is what would really happen if a Buizel faced off against a Steelix. Some details may and probably were exaggerated and made completely random.


Ash's Buizel was facing off against Byron's Steelix. This was for the Mine Badge. Steelix reared its head and was about to Screech so loudly that it might blow out every window in the Gym. Buizel was getting ready to charge an Aqua Jet to launch at it.

Suddenly, a man on a motorcycle flew over everyone and landed behind where Ash was standing. The man jumped off of the motorcycle and removed his helmet to reveal that he was Jack Bauer.

"I'm Jack Bauer," he said, "and we need to go violently interrogate some terrorists!"

Jack, Ash, Byron, and their Pokémon all ran to the edge of a skyscraper where millions of zombies waited below. They jumped from the edge and landed on top of several zombies. The four people from Left 4 Dead then appeared and started shooting all of the zombies.

"Reloading!" the four people said. "Reloading! Reloading! Reloading! Reloading! Reloading! Reloading! Reloading! Reloading! Reloading! Reloading! Reloading! Reloading! Reloading! Reloading! Reloading! Reloading! Reloading! Reloading! Reloading! Reloading! Reloading! Reloading! Reloading! Reloading! Reloading! Reloading! Reloading! Reloading! Reloading! Reloading!"

Steelix fired a giant laser from its mouth because it wanted to. It blew up more of the zombies. Buizel also used a mouth laser, but it was made of water. Instead, it rehydrated the zombies into flowers which held 10 HP each. The remaining zombies were about to take that HP until the sunglasses guy from CSI: Miami started firing sunglasses lasers at them.

"YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he shouted after quietly muttering a punchline and then fired more sunglasses lasers. Jack Bauer did Matrix dodges around the lasers because he could and he also wanted to get to the other side of the zombie crowd to defuse a bomb. He defused it by punching it and asking it questions.

The Transporter guy from Transporter and also Death Race drove an awesome car with rockets and missiles, but not lasers, into the city and grabbed the bomb, refused it, threw it into the zombie crowd, drove over a ramp in front of the crowd to do 300 barrel rolls, and landed safely going through a building. The bomb then exploded and the zombies turned into Lego people. A crazy lady with two lightsabers cut off all of their heads because that violence was family friendly.

The President, who looked nothing like the President, came down in an upside-down helicopter. He jumped out. "I am a bad ninja dude," he said. He did ninja moves to prove it. "Here is the giant key made of chocolate to the city that doesn't actually work and we have a million of them anyway." He gave the key to Ash, but Lucario jumped out of a copy of Super Smash Bros. Brawl and shoved it down his throat. He flew off by farting from his giant blue shorts butt.

Suddenly, the sky became dark. A purple fog came from the 10 HP flowers that turned them into Ganon. "Join me, Link, and I will make your face your face your face your face your face your face your face your face your face your face your face your face your face your face your face your face your face your face," he said.

Tom Tucker of Quahog 5 News pointed to a picture of a fish. "Only a giant stone robot can defeat Ganon," he said.

Navi from Zelda flew in. "HEY LISTEN LISTEN HEY HEY LISTEN HEY HEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!" it shouted. Then it turned into a stone robot. Kratos from God of War came in and pressed all the buttons of the PlayStation controller to blow it up.

Mario jumped up into a brick wall and got knocked out. Ash stole his instruction book, turned his face upside-down, and threw it at Ganon. The book only went one foot and landed on Ash's feet. He then got sucked into the book.

Pikachu shoved a copy of The Onion into his face. He then blew his nose into the book and Ash came back out.

"What happened?" Ash asked.

"Nothing, Ash, we were just about to have a feast," Pikachu replied.

"Hmm... How can we help?" Ass ashked.

Buizel picked up a car because he could and he threw it at Ganon. The car went around the world twice before it went through him.

"No, not into the pit, it BURNS!!! Your face your face your face your face your face your face your face your face your face DIE!!!" Ganon said before being erased in Microsoft Paint.

"Holy crap! I have to get back to the Gym to get the Badge from Something City!" Ash shouted. He then fired eight shots at a glowing hole and got sucked into it with Byron and their Pokémon. Back at the Gym, Ash sent out Pikachu and it won for some reason by using Nuclear Attack. Ash won a Badge and Buizel did a bizarre victory pose that corrupted his ragdoll joints, so he flopped around and ran into walls and the sky.


End file.
